Self Introduction Letter
Dear Prof Blackstone,
My name is Shannon Yeo Jun Wei, currently
pursuing a degree in Telematics at Singapore Institute of Technology
(SIT). I graduated from Singapore Polytechnic (SP) with a diploma in
Engineering Systems specialized in Urban Transportation System.
My interest in this field grew further when I
had my internship with Land Transport Authority (LTA) during my last
semester of study in diploma. I came up with a project which involved creating
a mobile application to ease the day to day workflow of employees. From then on, I have first-hand experience to appreciate the beauty of two very
different specialization fields and how they incorporate one another so
perfectly. This encounter had become a catalyst for me to pursue a field
specializes in both Engineering and Information Technology (IT) and therefore,
my decision to chasing Telematics as a degree of choice.
My main strength in communication comes in the
form of active listening. I am able to put myself in other people’s
perspectives on an emotional level and understand where they are coming from. I
was given the opportunity to be a coach at a motivational seminar which involved communicating with children with infinite energy where I am deemed as someone
who had a lot of patience when it came to listening.
However, despite being able to relate to someone
on a personal level, I find it difficult for me to express my thoughts into
words. It can be seen as I will often stutter or have a long pause in between
my sentences when I have to bring across a certain point. This often conveys my
message as one that does not have credibility and validity. As proven in the
army, certain points I have to bring across confidently, and due to this trait,
I was often marked down by my superiors. As I came from the bomb disposal squad in the army, I have to bring across facts confidently otherwise it would seem as though as I do not have the knowledge to perform certain tasks. One particular example would as we were having an internal assessment, the examiner marked me down even though I did certain steps correctly but not confidently.
In this module, I hope to improve on my weakness
as mentioned and also be able to project myself with confidence when it
comes to public speaking.
Best regards,
Shannon
Edited on 20/10/2020
This comment has been removed by the author.
ReplyDeleteDear Shannon
DeleteYour blog is very well written. Your content is is organized correctly and I like your flow as well. There is any language error and your blog is very engaging as well. I hope I can help you with your weakness through my strengths. I hope to be a good buddy to you in this module.
Cheers, Sakthi
Dear Sakthi
DeleteThank you for your kind comments. Let us improve on our weakness as we move forward!
Cheers,
Shannon
Dear Shannon
ReplyDeleteIt was a pleasure reading your introduction letter. You have shown your passion and strengths by including your past experiences. Being a great listener in this day and age is what the world is lacking. We also seem to have a similar weakness and let's improve on that through this module.
Cheers,
Kelvin
Dear Kelvin,
DeleteThank you for your flattering comments. I can see that our weakness as described is very common in our class. Let us work together and improve in towards the near future!
Cheers,
Shannon
Dear Shannon,
ReplyDeleteThanks for this detailed letter. You do a decent job covering the various assignment requirements, and you add clear concrete details. I'm impressed in this letter at your LTA work and the application that you developed.
You've also gotten feedback from your peers. Please respond to that to show that you buy in to the idea of authentic communication. (Someone writes to you; you respond.)
It's clear that you need to work on your language (grammatical) fluency. We can start here in terms of language use. This post has a few areas for you to consider:
1. verb use
-- ...when I undergo my internship... > (wrong tense)
-- ...I came up with a project which involves.... > (Is the project ongoing? If not, this involvement should be past tense.)
-- This encounter had become a catalyst for me ... > (This situation requires simple past tense.)
-- I was given the opportunity to be a coach at a motivational seminar which involves communicating with children with infinite energy where I am deemed as someone who has a lot of patience when it comes to listening. > (Your story telling is past tense.)
-- This often convey my message.... > (subject verb disagreement)
2. sentence structure
-- This encounter had become a catalyst for me to pursue a field specializes in both Engineering and Information Technology (IT) and therefore, my decision to chasing Telematics as a degree of choice. > (poor sentence structure)
please see https://www.englishclub.com/grammar/sentence/sentence-structure.htm
3. word use
-- emphatic listening. > (wrong word form/spelling: look this up)
4. lack of clarity
-- As proven in the army, certain points I have to bring across confidently and due to this trait, I was often marked down by my superiors. > (Give more context. This is the first time you mentioned that you were in the army, so the reader feels that you've just parachuted this idea in. Who? What? Why? Also, please break this thought into two sentences.)
Let's work on this.
Cheers,
Brad
Dear Prof Blackstone,
DeleteThank you for your constructive feedback and some flattering comments.
1. Overall, I noticed my usage of tenses seems to be bouncing around from present to past. It should all be past tense as all of it had already happened.
2. I realize I could have also break down the sentence further to avoid this mistake as compared to trying to connect all of them together.
3. It should be active listening instead.
4. I wanted to elaborate further but I am afraid that I might exceed the 150 word limit. I will continue to work on this!
Thank you so much for your feedback. It really helps to see which area I am specifically weak at and where I should be paying more attention to it.
Cheers
Shannon